Grainy

I decided to start packing today and I realized that I needed some pictures for my dorm and albums. I printed some out and I really love the way they look. I scanned them back onto the computer. The color is a little funny now, but here they are:



My favorite. This was before Jo and Rachel's wedding. It is also before our zoo adventure. Not our best idea. The zoo in January. Burrr. HEY MONKEY!




Old, but wonderful. We look so foreign. I love it!




Graduacion! I like heem.




Inesse in the yard.





New Jersey family. Maggie is the cutest baby ever.




Tommy. Metropolitan. Love.




Not one of mine, but I like it. Deanna and I at the train station.


After Mary and Tay Tay's comments on my facebook page, I am exhilarated about heading back to Winthrop. I haven't been too social this summer, so I'm going to try and make up for it at school..

I'm addicted to bandanna wearing.

I think I may go see the counselor at school. I've never felt the need to see one until this year. It can't hurt to go and talk, right? It might even be helpful.

I want to work in a huge library in a city. I really think that's where I'm heading and I'm all for it. I love cities. Their stink and their people and their food and their noises. I could be happy.

Some days I feel like I don't know anything. Today is one of those days.

I feel like giving up. Often.

I hate they way my mind processes things.

If I said I was depressed, no one would believe me.

But I am.

Found

I have been thinking about getting a tattoo for a while. I have too many ideas for one though. I'm such a chicken, I probably wouldn't do it. I was about to document my tattoo ideas, when I came across a page in my notebook. It contained three paragraphs and an excess of scribbles.

1. The noise was a familiar one. One that encompasses my being during the summer days. As I lay on the lumpy, previously flea-ridden mattress, under a small green blanket, I heard a sound that made my body go rigid. The simple, crisp sound of a page being turned.

2. Heavy lids and disappointment led me to my temporary bed. The room was humid and cornered by plants, some being of the plastic species, placed in large, ornate pots, made to look weathered. What few possessions I desired to surround myself with were piled around the worn and aging furniture, strewn in a fashion that appeared chaotic, yet not a single item was misplaced.

3. He was of the hermit breed. Living in isolation, only to associate with others when necessary and seldom out of pleasure. He occupied his days with memories and mysteries while sipping tea and observing the creatures of the city. In his working life he played a shopkeeper, and sold his smiles and novels to passing customers. He mostly communicated through nods and gestures to keep up his solitary disposition, never wanting to become too familiar with another being.


yadda yadda I was robbed. I have most of my things back in order though, so I feel a bit better about the whole thing. I have a meeting with the teeth surgeons next week :/ I'm nervous.

Books save my life. They keep me sane and my thoughts don't stray.

I'm fucking tired of hilton head and most of the people here. mehmehdramameh. I'm ready to learn again. Actually, I'm pretty proud of how stimulated I kept my mind this summer. I like to research random things that I come across. I also like reading about serial killers.
I'm currently reading The Alienist. It takes place in the 19th century and is about a series of child prostitute murders.




My iPod came in today! Unfortunately, by the end of summer I will be out about 400$. Yay for robbery and smashing windows!

I more-than-like you

I ended up going to the Of Montreal show with Gage. We met up with Charlie, Brien, Brady, Garrett, and Ryan. I've never felt so close to them in my entire life. The show was great, despite the fact that 2/3 of the time I was looking at people's backs and armpit hair. I got punched in the nose and elbowed in the head but I would say that it was worth it. The ride back was nice too. Gage and I talked quite a bit. Sunday was full of all sorts of surprises. This weekend was predicted to be awful, due to all my work and Ian leaving, which he didn't, but it proved me wrong. Seventeen is a shitty age. Tiny print. I'm still working at the library. I think I like it better this semester though. Bought my David Bazan ticket. Can't wait. Arnold Palmers are my new drink of choice. My hair is mostly gone. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Any of this. Ah well.
I'm so conflicted about my whole vegitarian thing. I don't think I want to give up meat, but at the same time I feel guilty and unhealthy for eating it. It's pretty tough doing it at school since Thomson sucks. Maybe I will just buy a ton of groceries and can just make my meals. That sounds good. Gage, we should go grocery shopping soon :). I've been talking to Mark quite a bit lately. I don't think Inesse is going to be able to come up here since my mother can't get off of work on any reasonable day. I suppose I'm going to be working three jobs this Summer. Babysitting, restaurant, and cleaning. Joy. I just can't wait to reap the benefits of that. I need monies! It's Ian and I's (fuck, I will never know how to write it correctly) ninth month together tomorrow. It's amazing and I'm really happy. He's my favorite person ever. I just can't believe how quickly I became comfortable with him. Anyways. I'm going to watch Fiddler on the Roof.

Heavy Boots

How does one go from the best feeling to the worst in a matter of hours? I was so comfortable. Watching his flawed blue eyes twitching under his eyelids. Just watching. I was so happy there and then. Now. I feel nauseous. That happens when I get upset or nervous. I guess I'm feeling both of those things, which makes it even worse. I just wanted to be with him. I can't do anything to fix this. I'm helpless and my head is spinning. I'm very inarticulate and clumsy. I can get over being clumsy but not being able to express myself has always and will always be a problem. I wish I could get up the guts to cut off my hair. More than I do. I don't think I'm pretty enough for that though. So, I think I'm going to the Of Montreal show. What an indecisive person I am. I'd meet Windsor too. She's pretty and a dancer. Finally finished the 4400. I'm upset that it ended the way it did. ugh. I hate where I am.

oh and meerkats

This past weekend was great. It was way fun. The wedding was adorable. Jo and Rachel are so cute. The wedding was small and the food was wonderful. We graffitied their car and danced a little. The best part of the whole weekend was the bed in the hotel. This thing was giant. The beds here are about a fourth of the size. We went to the Columbia Zoo that Sunday. There was no one there..duh it was about forty degrees. The bears were my favorite, I didn't want to leave. Oh and the meerkats. They was cute. I'm sitting in Java City waiting for a reply from the History of Jazz professor. I've had to drop two classes so far and have only replaced one. I'm so screwed right now. It's the worst. feeling. I only have thirteen credit hours. AH! I'm going to be working at the library again but just on weekdays which will be nice. I like my hours. I'm actually going in tonight. I have a while before my next class starts and I have nothing to do. I'm pretty excited for this semester..more for shows than school. Of Montreal on Febuary 5. I can't wait until it snows. It's thirty six degrees now and usually gets to about twenty sevenish at night. Thomas is going to tye dye a shirt for me, which is cool. I don't have any tye dyed things. The food at school is mean to me. I don't know if I'm ready for school. Break was so boring and I had nothing to do ever and now being thrown back into school, I'm not prepared. I have to type a summary of Plato's The Cave. I also have to read The Prince and The Jungle, which I'm excited for. I still need to get half of my textbooks. I hope they're almost here. I think I'm going to go see my advisor tonight. He's English and his name is Rory. Maybe he can help me. I would think so.

Desire killing puke

Packing for tomorrow! I have my outfit all picked out. I just got my new iPod and camera but my excitement for that died a little when I had to pay about 360 bucks for all my books. What a bummer. I went to the milk chug earlier. It was freezing and overly crowded with goth tards.. no thanks. I think it was Tyler's puke that officially killed my desire to stand around in the cold watching people drink gallons of milk..but who knows. Monday is going to be one hell of a day- World Civilizations to start it off, Philosophy, Italian, and Biology to finish. Ha wow. I'm pretty exited though. My face is dry and I'm angry at it. Gosh I'm loving my new gadgets. Right on time too..since the wedding is tomorrow and all. Oh and I got my new glasses..for a third of the price! Score! This break wasn't so bad. I may have pissed someone off, but that's not too terrible. Dinner's here. Nom nom.

Drowning Self-Pity

There is no way to talk about your family and finances without sounding pathetic and greedy for sympathy. No one really wants to listen to that babble anyways. So after an awful night of smashed windows and broken phones, I took a bath. I rarely take baths because they take so long. Everything nowadays has to be fast. Information, food, cleaning. I think the most enjoyable part of baths is the quiet. All you have to do is stick your ears under the surface and all the self-pity speak dissapears. All you can hear is the amplified sound of your breathing. Soon, the water started to pulse with my heartbeat. Little things like that make me happy. Went wedding shopping today. It was too cute. I can't wait to go and be mildly jealous of Joe and Rachel. Hooray! Don't know when I will be buying school books..or fixing my glasses. I'm scared to even tell mom that they're broken. Maybe I won't, but they're a pain the way they are.

Awfully Mediocre

Hi. A friend calls me Forbsey. I don't mind it. It's kind of cute. I've decided to start blogging. I suppose I'm ready to get back to Winthrop but at the same time, I'm not. I'm stuck in this spot and don't like anywhere I am. Home, I can't stand. School is the preferable choice, yet still not enticing. I have a roommate anywhere I go and I can't deal with it. I've realized I'm an awful sharer. I like to be alone for the majority of my day. I like to have quiet when I want to have quiet. I don't think I would mind having a roommate one eency weency bit..if it was someone whose company I enjoyed, but I have yet to find her. I'm ready for my new classes though. Italian, philosophy, world civilizations. Could it be better? Yes, but I'm not complaining. I would really love to take a religion class. While watching the History channel today, I was intrigued. I went into the living room, shuffled around a few books, got caught in some cobwebs, and victory, The Bible. I'm not a religious person, this is true, I'm curious. I started reading The Bible today. It's so interesting and I intend to keep on reading it. Also, I'm very curious about music. I really wanted to take a history of music class but it was reserved for the music majors. My boyfriend is a music ed major. He's a sweetie and I like him a bunch. It's been eight months with him and I'm so glad for that, he really makes me happy. I have such a boring life, it's ridiculous. I am so untalented that it makes me sad. I'm awfully mediocre. Going to Taco Night at the Perissi/Geer household.
Hope someone's reading.