Heavy Boots

How does one go from the best feeling to the worst in a matter of hours? I was so comfortable. Watching his flawed blue eyes twitching under his eyelids. Just watching. I was so happy there and then. Now. I feel nauseous. That happens when I get upset or nervous. I guess I'm feeling both of those things, which makes it even worse. I just wanted to be with him. I can't do anything to fix this. I'm helpless and my head is spinning. I'm very inarticulate and clumsy. I can get over being clumsy but not being able to express myself has always and will always be a problem. I wish I could get up the guts to cut off my hair. More than I do. I don't think I'm pretty enough for that though. So, I think I'm going to the Of Montreal show. What an indecisive person I am. I'd meet Windsor too. She's pretty and a dancer. Finally finished the 4400. I'm upset that it ended the way it did. ugh. I hate where I am.

oh and meerkats

This past weekend was great. It was way fun. The wedding was adorable. Jo and Rachel are so cute. The wedding was small and the food was wonderful. We graffitied their car and danced a little. The best part of the whole weekend was the bed in the hotel. This thing was giant. The beds here are about a fourth of the size. We went to the Columbia Zoo that Sunday. There was no one there..duh it was about forty degrees. The bears were my favorite, I didn't want to leave. Oh and the meerkats. They was cute. I'm sitting in Java City waiting for a reply from the History of Jazz professor. I've had to drop two classes so far and have only replaced one. I'm so screwed right now. It's the worst. feeling. I only have thirteen credit hours. AH! I'm going to be working at the library again but just on weekdays which will be nice. I like my hours. I'm actually going in tonight. I have a while before my next class starts and I have nothing to do. I'm pretty excited for this semester..more for shows than school. Of Montreal on Febuary 5. I can't wait until it snows. It's thirty six degrees now and usually gets to about twenty sevenish at night. Thomas is going to tye dye a shirt for me, which is cool. I don't have any tye dyed things. The food at school is mean to me. I don't know if I'm ready for school. Break was so boring and I had nothing to do ever and now being thrown back into school, I'm not prepared. I have to type a summary of Plato's The Cave. I also have to read The Prince and The Jungle, which I'm excited for. I still need to get half of my textbooks. I hope they're almost here. I think I'm going to go see my advisor tonight. He's English and his name is Rory. Maybe he can help me. I would think so.

Desire killing puke

Packing for tomorrow! I have my outfit all picked out. I just got my new iPod and camera but my excitement for that died a little when I had to pay about 360 bucks for all my books. What a bummer. I went to the milk chug earlier. It was freezing and overly crowded with goth tards.. no thanks. I think it was Tyler's puke that officially killed my desire to stand around in the cold watching people drink gallons of milk..but who knows. Monday is going to be one hell of a day- World Civilizations to start it off, Philosophy, Italian, and Biology to finish. Ha wow. I'm pretty exited though. My face is dry and I'm angry at it. Gosh I'm loving my new gadgets. Right on time too..since the wedding is tomorrow and all. Oh and I got my new glasses..for a third of the price! Score! This break wasn't so bad. I may have pissed someone off, but that's not too terrible. Dinner's here. Nom nom.

Drowning Self-Pity

There is no way to talk about your family and finances without sounding pathetic and greedy for sympathy. No one really wants to listen to that babble anyways. So after an awful night of smashed windows and broken phones, I took a bath. I rarely take baths because they take so long. Everything nowadays has to be fast. Information, food, cleaning. I think the most enjoyable part of baths is the quiet. All you have to do is stick your ears under the surface and all the self-pity speak dissapears. All you can hear is the amplified sound of your breathing. Soon, the water started to pulse with my heartbeat. Little things like that make me happy. Went wedding shopping today. It was too cute. I can't wait to go and be mildly jealous of Joe and Rachel. Hooray! Don't know when I will be buying school books..or fixing my glasses. I'm scared to even tell mom that they're broken. Maybe I won't, but they're a pain the way they are.

Awfully Mediocre

Hi. A friend calls me Forbsey. I don't mind it. It's kind of cute. I've decided to start blogging. I suppose I'm ready to get back to Winthrop but at the same time, I'm not. I'm stuck in this spot and don't like anywhere I am. Home, I can't stand. School is the preferable choice, yet still not enticing. I have a roommate anywhere I go and I can't deal with it. I've realized I'm an awful sharer. I like to be alone for the majority of my day. I like to have quiet when I want to have quiet. I don't think I would mind having a roommate one eency weency bit..if it was someone whose company I enjoyed, but I have yet to find her. I'm ready for my new classes though. Italian, philosophy, world civilizations. Could it be better? Yes, but I'm not complaining. I would really love to take a religion class. While watching the History channel today, I was intrigued. I went into the living room, shuffled around a few books, got caught in some cobwebs, and victory, The Bible. I'm not a religious person, this is true, I'm curious. I started reading The Bible today. It's so interesting and I intend to keep on reading it. Also, I'm very curious about music. I really wanted to take a history of music class but it was reserved for the music majors. My boyfriend is a music ed major. He's a sweetie and I like him a bunch. It's been eight months with him and I'm so glad for that, he really makes me happy. I have such a boring life, it's ridiculous. I am so untalented that it makes me sad. I'm awfully mediocre. Going to Taco Night at the Perissi/Geer household.
Hope someone's reading.