Heavy Boots

How does one go from the best feeling to the worst in a matter of hours? I was so comfortable. Watching his flawed blue eyes twitching under his eyelids. Just watching. I was so happy there and then. Now. I feel nauseous. That happens when I get upset or nervous. I guess I'm feeling both of those things, which makes it even worse. I just wanted to be with him. I can't do anything to fix this. I'm helpless and my head is spinning. I'm very inarticulate and clumsy. I can get over being clumsy but not being able to express myself has always and will always be a problem. I wish I could get up the guts to cut off my hair. More than I do. I don't think I'm pretty enough for that though. So, I think I'm going to the Of Montreal show. What an indecisive person I am. I'd meet Windsor too. She's pretty and a dancer. Finally finished the 4400. I'm upset that it ended the way it did. ugh. I hate where I am.